Is God Against Me?: A Letter to a Friend

A few months ago as of this writing, I received an email from a member of our church who has had several extremely difficult trials at different times in her life, and then several more within the past year all at once. In her email, she wrote the following:

I am really struggling with the idea that God opposes me for some reason because I don’t understand why I have had a lifetime of wave upon wave—but maybe that is just life and I’m weak and faithless. But I am starting to wonder if God is against me in some way or for some reason that I don’t understand. I don’t perceive I’m living in any unrepentant sin, but it’s all confusing…

My heart went out to this dear sister when I read her words, and I responded with the following (lightly edited for corrections and smoother reading, but left basically as-is), which she graciously allowed me to post.

Hey sister, I wanted to take some time to respond to your email. My heart really goes out to you; I have been praying for you guys and thinking a lot about you the last 24 hours. (It was good to be able to spend some time with your parents yesterday, by the way. It would be great if it turns out someday that they can attend FFBC.)

I don’t think you’re looking for a response from me or from anyone else about the way you’re feeling. I don’t think there’s anything I could tell you that you don’t know. I know the feeling; I know how it feels to be outmatched, overcome, too many enemies who are too strong for me (Ps 18.17), and at a loss to know what to do about any of it. I know how it feels to have no idea what God is doing or why he constantly leaves me in the state or circumstances I’m in. But even when I say that the feeling is common for me, too, I’m already responding to you and affirming that, yes, “this is just life” (to use your words).

Job had everything stripped away from him—his family, his friends, his livelihood, his dignity—and not because God was against him, but because God was more for him than any other man living; not because he was a bad man, but because he was the best of men.

Moses was hated and opposed constantly by over a million rebellious, pathetic people for 40 years, and he buried his brother and his wife along the way.

David was opposed by enemies and turned on by loved ones constantly for the last 40 years of his life.

Isaiah was hated and an outcast for most of the 40+ years of his ministry.

Jeremiah was hated and virtually alone for all 40+ years of his ministry. Then he watched from inside as one of the most important cities in the ancient world—his beloved Jerusalem—was completely decimated and its people annihilated by the Babylonians.

Paul was disrespected in the churches and risking his own life everywhere else for about 30 years.

For decades the apostle John faced enemies and opposition both within and among the churches under his care. He was boiled in oil and then died alone in exile.

The Lord Jesus was familiar with sorrows and acquainted with grief. If you didn’t know any better, you would have thought he was stricken by God and rejected by him.

I am 20 years into the Christian life, and my summary of it so far is that life is frustrating, people are disappointing, and I am unfaithful, inconsistent, and unstable.

But the Lord is faithful.

My big-picture impression of church history is that the Lord’s people are always caught in the middle of personal conflict and societal turmoil, and are regularly the object of societal disdain. All the while, they are complacent, idolatrous, immoral, prayerless, backwards, nearsighted, lazy, darkened in their minds, and inexcusably immature. In every single era going back to the days immediately following the apostles, even the best of believers have been mixed bags; invariably you will read the writings of even the best of men, or learn about something in their life or something that they believed, and you will shake your head in confusion and disappointment.

And yet the Lord continues to be faithful and patient.

He provides for all our needs. He never humiliates us publicly, but continues to deal gently and privately with us, very often in the privacy of our own hearts, and very often for years.

He gives us blessing upon blessing—in life, in family, in friends, in pleasant temporal things, in satisfying so many of our wants and desires, in causing circumstances to fall in our favor. He gives us opportunities to serve, influence in the lives of others, uses us to serve others and bring glory to the Name of the Lord Jesus.

We go through trials. People leave us. People die. People disappoint us, let us down, and sometimes turn on us. For most of us, tight finances is a constant wave that ebbs and flows through all of life. There’s never enough time, and we never stop misusing the little we have. We get sick, and then we heal up. We’re under life-dominating clouds of darkness for a few years, and then the clouds clear away and the sun shines again. One day we enjoy good weather, good food, a satisfying beverage, and good company, and that very night we’re disappointed and frustrated, and we go to bed weeping and alone with no answers for the things that are wrong with us and with life.

But the Lord Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever, and he remains faithful. The accomplishments of his Cross are unfading, inviolable, unspoiled, unblemished, eternal, immovable, fixed and successful forever.

I am 44 years into life and 20 years into the Christian life, and my summary of it all boils down to the disappointment of life, the embarrassment and disappointment of self, and the faithfulness of Christ.

My dear sister, I’m not trying to school you, or fix your problems, or correct your thinking. You know all these things; I know that you are probably just venting more than anything. You’re pressed in by life, discouraged, depressed, and you probably need a break, a meal, and a good night’s sleep. I feel that same way very often. I feel that way right now. I’ve felt that way the last couple weeks, and I’ve really felt that way today. I am an embarrassment, and my life is a disappointment; I never thought I would have done so little and made so little progress by this point in my life—and not only in life, but in my progress in Christ.

But the Lord Jesus remains faithful.

Anyways, I am mostly talking to myself by this point, and weeping with you as I write these words. My heart is with you, my sister. I’m praying for you guys. Please pray for me.